A Day In The Life... At Work:
So now it is time for me to tell you about an average day at my work. Mind you this is not everyday, just an average day, a snapshot frozen in time and handed out to you, my lovely readers (hahaha like I have any) so that you may enjoy. Thus far I have taken you through my waking up, showering, and part of my commute. I do plan on finishing my commute for you, however more and more incredible things are happening to me daily while I travel that I have not had the time to put it to words, but rest assured, I shall. Ok.. work.. lets go.
As I arrive at my place of employment, knees and back sore from my iron maiden like surroundings, courtesy of NJTransit. This is a time of gathering ones strength as I stand outside, downstairs and sip blessed and soothing coffee. I am grasping the cup with both hands and holding it close to my face as if it was a life preserver and I was sinking in the sea of things that suck. A cigarette provides a little comfort as I prepare to enter work, but I am still very dissapointed with my cigarettes. I have smoked them for almost 10 years now and they still have not killed me as promised. But I continue to give them their day in court in hopes that they will soon take some fucking initiative and do what they are supposed to do. As I flick the spent butt out into the street and pivot on my heels towards the door I am suddenly greeted with a co-worker.
The innundation of questions I am the recipient of is staggering. Questions that I hate to answer because they are blaringly obvious and require zero thought. People tend to ask questions they already know the answer to, as if looking for confirmation. Yet sometimes they ask them of ME when there is no possible way I should know them. For insatance, this question always makes me grit my teeth. "Ok, is there anything I should know that I dont know?" That one always makes me take pause and consider it, because as a techie, we try to answer everything or at least analyze and respond. But this is my quintessential "divide by zero" question. If I were a robot and not a squishy organic life form, this would short my circuits and destroy my processors.. or at least a total system crash. However I am fortunate enough to not be a robot and this merely aggrivates me to the point of homocide. I would love to answer that question with "Yes, as a matter of fact there is something you should know, that you appearently don't know... You are a fucking idiot. That being said, now you know everything! You can die with a smile and now is a great time!" Followed by a pummeling that would compare to tossing someone into the back of a cement mixer truck with a few hundred bowling balls...
So I have already been aggrivated to the point of unleashing death and I have not even made it to the elevator. I know that a thousand more questions that should never be asked of me are coming and soon I will be expected to answer them all. Funny thing about careers, and you can test this theroy yourself... but ask someone, anyone, what they wanted to be when they "grew up" and probably all of them are going to tell you something completly different than what they are currently doing. I am no exception. Careers happen to you based on situation and opportunity.. but they are seldom what you want. I have to go now, I am being asked to go look at a set of speakers that are not playing on someones computer... I bet my life and all my worldly possessions that they are not plugged in properly and a simple ammount of investigation made by the user could solve this themselfs. However because it is attached to or within 500 miles of a computer, they consider this my territory and can not, and will not touch it. Like its a union job and they would be fired if they attempted to solve something on their own. Marvin the Paranoid Android... I feel you man... I feel you.
As I arrive at my place of employment, knees and back sore from my iron maiden like surroundings, courtesy of NJTransit. This is a time of gathering ones strength as I stand outside, downstairs and sip blessed and soothing coffee. I am grasping the cup with both hands and holding it close to my face as if it was a life preserver and I was sinking in the sea of things that suck. A cigarette provides a little comfort as I prepare to enter work, but I am still very dissapointed with my cigarettes. I have smoked them for almost 10 years now and they still have not killed me as promised. But I continue to give them their day in court in hopes that they will soon take some fucking initiative and do what they are supposed to do. As I flick the spent butt out into the street and pivot on my heels towards the door I am suddenly greeted with a co-worker.
The innundation of questions I am the recipient of is staggering. Questions that I hate to answer because they are blaringly obvious and require zero thought. People tend to ask questions they already know the answer to, as if looking for confirmation. Yet sometimes they ask them of ME when there is no possible way I should know them. For insatance, this question always makes me grit my teeth. "Ok, is there anything I should know that I dont know?" That one always makes me take pause and consider it, because as a techie, we try to answer everything or at least analyze and respond. But this is my quintessential "divide by zero" question. If I were a robot and not a squishy organic life form, this would short my circuits and destroy my processors.. or at least a total system crash. However I am fortunate enough to not be a robot and this merely aggrivates me to the point of homocide. I would love to answer that question with "Yes, as a matter of fact there is something you should know, that you appearently don't know... You are a fucking idiot. That being said, now you know everything! You can die with a smile and now is a great time!" Followed by a pummeling that would compare to tossing someone into the back of a cement mixer truck with a few hundred bowling balls...
So I have already been aggrivated to the point of unleashing death and I have not even made it to the elevator. I know that a thousand more questions that should never be asked of me are coming and soon I will be expected to answer them all. Funny thing about careers, and you can test this theroy yourself... but ask someone, anyone, what they wanted to be when they "grew up" and probably all of them are going to tell you something completly different than what they are currently doing. I am no exception. Careers happen to you based on situation and opportunity.. but they are seldom what you want. I have to go now, I am being asked to go look at a set of speakers that are not playing on someones computer... I bet my life and all my worldly possessions that they are not plugged in properly and a simple ammount of investigation made by the user could solve this themselfs. However because it is attached to or within 500 miles of a computer, they consider this my territory and can not, and will not touch it. Like its a union job and they would be fired if they attempted to solve something on their own. Marvin the Paranoid Android... I feel you man... I feel you.
Labels: Co-Workers, Comedy, Life, Work
posted by Matthew Mundane at 9:49 AM
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