Nothing Is As It Appears To Be

So this morning I get up after a mere 4 hours sleep, there is no hot water in my building, so I am forced to splash icy cold water on myself. I then have to lather up the soap with icy cold water clinging to me, a nifty cool breeze blowing on me and no promise of anything warm whatsoever in my immediate future. Then comes the unbearable rinse. I make it out to my car and it would not start. It took me literally 15 minutes of wearing my battery down to almost nothing till it finally turned over. Clearly something is terribly wrong with it. Then there was the bus ride in to work... those of you who have been following this average life are well aware of my bus problems... I have some serious ass bus problems. However today was unique in that the bus I was on was clearly made for dwarfs. The seats had absolutly no room for your legs at all and yet the seats in front of you could recline back. You would literally have to have no legs at all to sit there with the seat in front of you leaned all the way back. And yet the woman in front of me attempted to recline fully. Quite simply this was not possible as my knees were already pressed up against the back of her seat, however, this would not deter her from trying with a tenacity rarely seen in a non life threatening situation. She was hurling herself and all of her weight against the back of the seat while looking at me, one hand on the lever that allows her seat to recline and the other on the head rest. Clearly she could see my body recoil and shake with each increasingly forceful attempt she made. The look of utter disbelief combined with the scary feeling one gets right before a bone snaps in ther leg was written on my face as I looked her in the eye during all of this. She did not care. She kept trying. The urge to drop all human rational thinking and embrace the purely animal instinct of killing was overwhelming, but I did what every guy does. I ignored her as best as possible and closed my eyes for some sleep. I arrive at my destination, good old Port Authority NYC. Every morning I get coffee at Au Bon Pain and walk the half a block to work. However this morning at the coffee shop they did not have those lovely littel cardboard sleeves the slide over the cup so that the scalding hot coffee does not remove skin or set you aflame while drinking what is markedly close to molten lead. So I held my cup of coffee as I walked to work, the fingers wrapped around the cup are tingling and no doubt forming blisters. So I get to work only to find out that our website is down and clients who pay us many thousands of dollars are not pleased with us.

Now... you would think that this would be a fucking terrible morning, right? But this is my world, and here baby... Nothing is as it appears to be. I am in a good mood and nothing can touch me. Thanks to quid I have a song stuck in my head... All ya need is love.

A New Idea...

It occured to me this morning while watching people move around that they tend to do so in a very un-hurried fashion. Now im not talking about your average human walking down the street in NYC, Im talking about people moving in and out of vehicles and buildings. When they encounter a complicated device .. like say... a door, they become befuddled. Why do people think that doors are the equivalent to a Yellow Light? Lets take a subway for instance. On a subway car, the train can not continue to move unless the doors are closed. Even if it is full to the brim with people, so much that youre practically dry humping the person in front of you, that one more person thinks they can squeeze in? This person wedges themself in the smallest possible palce and without fail, something of theirs is left hanging outside of the train. The doors try to close and they can not. So there we are stuck until we all suddenly become double jointed and preform contortionist acts to let this son of a bitch in. You know what would please me? If all doors in the city were hydrolic enhanced spring loaded objects and were razor sharp. Imagine then how fast people would get the frick in or out of a train or bus... no more taking your dam time and trying to make everyone late for work.. if part of you is sticking out, its going to be severed and left behind. I can see it now... someguy: excuse me, please make room, I have to get on this train, there has to be room I know you can all squeeze just a lit.. *SHUNK* All Aboard mother fucker! bwa ha ha ha ha... When I create an isolated island off the coast of Mexico some day.. this is the technology i will have in place.. in my perfect world. kthxbye