Halloween:
Today is Halloween. Something is bothering me about people during Halloween and I am going to share it.
1. If your costume is not scary or spooky, YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT.
God I would like to set you on fire and let you run around screaming. The whole fucking point of Halloween (In case you missed it folks) is to scare away evil spirits who roam the land looking for a body to inhabit. (Celtic Legend) A fireman, a cell phone, a hooker, dancers, cops, political figures (with the exception of our president who actually is fucking scary), cartoon characters, are all right out the window. If you dressed up like one of these or anything not at all scary... FUCK YOU. You are an idiot who completely missed the point of the best holiday ever and you should die. Die horribly and viciously at the hands of the people who actually got the whole point of Halloween.
2. Dressing up babies and pets. This is borderline tolerable and can be slightly cute but don't overdo it. For one, this is for YOU and not for them. I promise you they aren't enjoying it and would never do it on their own, so get them out of that shit as soon as you get the pictures taken so they can recover from your selfish endeavour.
3. Giving out bullshit treats. Walk down to the local grocery store, look at the candy isle and take note of the candy displayed there. That is what you should be giving out (bite size is fine), not pennies, and dimes and dollars or whatever. Apples are ok because they are traditional, but don't hide razors, sewing needles, THC, LSD, or anything fucked up in it... that's just wrong. If you try to hand out any other bullshit treat, you should be pulled from your house and your head should be stomped on by the kids until your welcome mat is soaked in your brain matter. No shit people, don't skimp on the treats.
4. Turning out your lights and hiding from Trick or Treaters. Oh you are really asking for trouble by doing this. If you don't want to participate in Halloween, ok, whatever that's your choice, just be prepared to face the consequences. What I used to do to you cheap, miserable fucks who would go out or not participate, I cant even tell you because I am sure it is an open case with the detectives and FBI in my hometown and I am not signing any confession. Lets just say Trick or Treat is serious shit.
Now that this is off my chest I feel better. I cant wait till people start showing up at my house tonight, I have some ridiculous amounts of high quality candy, some kick ass Jack 'O Lanterns, and I am ready! Have a Happy Halloween people, do it right, have fun!
1. If your costume is not scary or spooky, YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT.
God I would like to set you on fire and let you run around screaming. The whole fucking point of Halloween (In case you missed it folks) is to scare away evil spirits who roam the land looking for a body to inhabit. (Celtic Legend) A fireman, a cell phone, a hooker, dancers, cops, political figures (with the exception of our president who actually is fucking scary), cartoon characters, are all right out the window. If you dressed up like one of these or anything not at all scary... FUCK YOU. You are an idiot who completely missed the point of the best holiday ever and you should die. Die horribly and viciously at the hands of the people who actually got the whole point of Halloween.
2. Dressing up babies and pets. This is borderline tolerable and can be slightly cute but don't overdo it. For one, this is for YOU and not for them. I promise you they aren't enjoying it and would never do it on their own, so get them out of that shit as soon as you get the pictures taken so they can recover from your selfish endeavour.
3. Giving out bullshit treats. Walk down to the local grocery store, look at the candy isle and take note of the candy displayed there. That is what you should be giving out (bite size is fine), not pennies, and dimes and dollars or whatever. Apples are ok because they are traditional, but don't hide razors, sewing needles, THC, LSD, or anything fucked up in it... that's just wrong. If you try to hand out any other bullshit treat, you should be pulled from your house and your head should be stomped on by the kids until your welcome mat is soaked in your brain matter. No shit people, don't skimp on the treats.
4. Turning out your lights and hiding from Trick or Treaters. Oh you are really asking for trouble by doing this. If you don't want to participate in Halloween, ok, whatever that's your choice, just be prepared to face the consequences. What I used to do to you cheap, miserable fucks who would go out or not participate, I cant even tell you because I am sure it is an open case with the detectives and FBI in my hometown and I am not signing any confession. Lets just say Trick or Treat is serious shit.
Now that this is off my chest I feel better. I cant wait till people start showing up at my house tonight, I have some ridiculous amounts of high quality candy, some kick ass Jack 'O Lanterns, and I am ready! Have a Happy Halloween people, do it right, have fun!
posted by Matthew Mundane at 9:10 AM
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