A new kind of cola:

Pick a favorite soda beverage, one you have been drinking for years. Or perhaps a snack food or brand of car. Something in your life that is a favorite... I suppose anything will do. Now, how did you arrive at this decision? How did you decide this was your favorite? Perhaps it was the way it tasted on your lips, or the refreshing feeling you got after consuming it, or something simple as it was just what you got used to and now can't imagine anything else. Whatever the case, this is your favorite in all the world and although you have tasted other things, you inevitably return to your favorite. You know it is just right. Sure, other brands come along with flashy labeling, promises of a new and improved flavor, or even prizes in the box! And you try them, for a time. Sure the novelty of something new is always interesting at first. We love variety in our lives. But nothing says comfort, truth, safety and happiness like your good old faithful, never dissapointing favorite. And sure you can make arguments all day long about how you plan on trying something new, or how its time for a change, but it's not what you want. Not at all. Because what are you drinking right now? Thats right, your favorite. And what will you be drinking tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow again? Your favorite. To me, the rest of the known world can crash and burn and blow away as long as I have my favorite. How do I know this is true? Because no matter what I have said or done, I look in my hand and see what I have right here and now. Because if I wanted anything different, I would have it. But I dont have that, or anything else in my world, quite on purpose mind you, except the things I truly want. My favorites. Take a look at your world once in a while and spend a little time wondering if you're really drinking or eating your favorite things. I know I am.

On a side note, I am now very fucking thirsty. I think I will go partake of the wonderful gift of something refreshing, delicious and never dissapointing. You're probably wondering what that is, aren't you? But that is not the point of this post. The point is to help you decide what it is you want, since I already know what it is that I want and have been drinking it all along.

Bad Dog:

Who in the hell broke into my account and wrote that sappy bullshit yesterday? That ain't me! Nawww I'am the guy who smokes more than Dennis Leary and is about 10x more pissed off! Yeah! I know what it was. I had quit smoking as a New Years resolution and it had drained me of my evil powers. The evil powers of perception and smite and angst. So I went out this morning bought a pack of smokes and now it's on. Let me the stage for you, for my most recent dilemma. I have not held a regular job for the past 9 months. I decided that since the girlfriend had a regular job and made enough money for us both, that I would take the time off and do what it is in life that I wanted to do. Write a book. So that is what I have been doing with my time. It has become my job. I cook, clean, do the dishes and laundry and vacuum... Everything around the house, and when I have time I write. You would think a woman would appreciate this kind of role reversal in this day and age, right? heh WRONG.

So there I am, putting the finishing touches on the tedious job of cleaning up after a home cooked meal, which by the way I make sure is ready on the table for when she gets home, and I sit on the couch under a blanket. One of our cats decideds to jump up in my lap and get comfortable and I feel the anger meter in my head dip a couple of degrees in the negative direction. The calming effect is nice. but in through the door busts an angry woman who throws her coat at me (its my job to hang it) and begins yelling at me in a shrill voice. "Must be nice to sit on your fucking ass all day long and do nothing while I bust my ass at work and put up with idiots all day long." Now you would think, knowing me as you do, that this would immediately throw me into a "Hulk Smash" like rage. Where I leap from the couch after having torn my shirt off and ripped my pants in all the appropriate places... (Side track: Why in the hell didn't the Hulks pants come off? Is a Hulk sized penis not part of the whole metamorphosis deal or what? If not, where is the benefit? I don't get it.) But no. I breathe in deeply and smile and say, "How was your day honey?" That is akin to throwing military grade C4 on a nuclear fire and it starts a tyraid of complaining and hate that would make Alanis Morrisette seem happy and well adjusted. "How was my day? How was your fucking day? Why are there so many lights on in the house? Why is the kitchen a mess? What are you doing sitting on the couch? When are you getting a fucking job?" and on and on it goes.

It is at this point where I must make an important decision. Life is full of these tiny little forks in the road. You know them well, you have them, I am sure. One road will lead you to the "higher road" less traveled. The one where you smile and comfort your loved one after a hard days work and eventually they will calm down and all will be well. But in doing so, must swallow your pride, and anger at having being beaten down emotionally like a bad dog. Knowing full well you too busted your ass all day long, picking up after her mess, making sure she comes home to a warm happy home with a nice dinner on the table, and squeezing every last bit of creativity out of your very being trying to write a compelling and interesting book. OR... You can retaliate in kind, with the same amount of energy and anger you just received. Which did I choose, you're now asking yourself?

I got up slowly from the couch, I am sure there was a flicker of "KILL" in my eye when I did. For a moment in time I looked to my right and saw the camera man of life focusing in on the scene, strangely enough on the side of the camera was "Faces of Death". Ever wonder how they get all that neat and horrible accident and mutilation on tape? These guys are paranormal telepaths with fortune telling powers, they always seem to be at the scene of a grizzly accident. I took this as my first warning. On the left, sitting on my couch with my cat in his lap was the Emperor Palpatine from Return of the Jedi, laughing and saying; "Yesss, yessss, I can feel the hate swelling within you, pick up that candlestick holder and strike her down with it, and your journey to the dark side will be complete." Oh Tantalus, dost thou need to hold the grapes so close to my mouth?! Ahh, but you're still wondering what I did...

I took a deep breath and turned to the Emperor and said "I will never join you, I am a jedi like my father before me." Under my breath of course. You see, I was not kidding when I said I saw him sitting there. The longer I go with no human interaction the tighter the rubber band that is my mind gets and someday it's gonna snap. So, like the bad dog I am, I turned off the extra lights in the house, cleaned up the little mess that was left and did my best to calm her. I then spent the rest of the night sitting with her on the couch watching Smallville and rubbing her feet. But before you get all disappointed in me, and feeling as though I might have lost my edge, gone soft, thrown in the towel, keep in mind one thing... I have been checking into prices of Woodchippers.

Until next time.

Angel of Mercy:

I wonder what would happen if everyone in the world suddenly forgot everything in their past. 100% erasure of all past deeds and happeneings. All good and bad memories, everything. I think it would be interesting to witness such a miracle. There are so many people in the world absolutly hung up on the details of their past and how it has affected, ruined and twisted their present that they can no longer look forward. I suppose to some degree it makes sense that people concentrate on the past, after all its the only thing we seem to be able to see so clearly. Even our present seems foggy, and the future? Even more clouded. People who live in the past sacrifice thier future with fear, regret and self flagellation. I would like to be the Angel of Mercy, the gift of god whos power bestowed is the life saving ability to sever ones self from thier past completly. A great humanitarian who's mere touch could free a tortured soul, setting them free and able to live a normal life with a brighter future. Ok, well, I'd take that OR the ability to make thier heads explode.. because hey, who doesnt want that ability. No, I'm not getting soft on you, dont worry. But it does sadden me to think of the wonderful things people could do with their lives if only the turned their heads around and stopped looking back and started looking forward. Case in point, my friend Matt. Ex-Navy seal, cant get images of people hes killed with his bare hands out of his head, loses sleep, never had a lasting relationship and hes resigned himself to the fact that "some people are just meant to be alone." Fiance cheated on him and left him for another man, been burnt in every way possible by women in his life and lost his mother to cancer. All these pains all these fears... he is truly a crippled human being. But he could live a life with a future if he could only look forward. Ok, that's enough sappy bullshit for today. Peace.

Im back.

So I have been gone again for a great ammount of time. You know blogging is not my life, so you'll have to make do with what you get. I feel as though I should be telling you how horrible my life is and how pissed off I am at everything but the truth is, im not so angry. The holidays are over and things are calming down and I am just writing. Writing is what I like to do. I have a guilty pleasure to reveal to you so it should not be a total waste of time for you to read. Smallville. N'uff said. Holy shit if I was gay, I would be all over Tom Welling. Ok, im not gay and I'd still be all over him. And Kristen Kreuk? Why in the name of god dont they just kill her already? I have revealed much geekdom and should never mention that I would crawl all over Tom Welling again. Oh shut up, like you wouldnt?